Rant: Gifts

J. went to a baby shower for a friend last weekend. There was a gift registry, of course – seems like there needs to be a registry for everything these days. The main purpose of a gift registry is obvious – it is designed to get other people to pay for stuff you want. But gift certificates or cards would accomplish the same thing. A gift registry, it occurred to me, also does something more subtly exploitative – it gets others to do your shopping for you.

When we printed the registry out, it was enormous – pages and pages long. “They are expecting quite a crowd,” we thought. Little did we know that the expectation was for each guest to buy not one but several items each. Many items each, it turned out. J. felt very self-conscious when her gift turned out to be the smallest and most modest of anyone at the party. Our friends are very nice people, and I realize, of course, that if asked, they would show nothing but graciousness and gratitude, but I can't help wondering what they, and the rest of the guests, were really thinking.

So is that the way of the world nowadays? Lavish, extravagant gifts are de rigeur? And if one expensive item is not an option, you make up by getting many less expensive ones so it still “adds up?” Another example comes to mind. A friend and colleague of J.'s recently got her husband a pistol for his collection. And it was a “regular” birthday – not a jubilee year or a factor-of-ten wedding anniversary. I know nothing of personal firearms, but they cannot be cheap. And these are not wealthy people – J.'s colleague has the same job J. does.

J. and I always operated on the principle that it was the thought that counted, but should we start feeling guilty about not getting expensive presents, for each other or the rest of our friends? The most extravagant thing I've ever bought for her was a pearl necklace for her 30^th birthday – just a single pearl on a chain of white gold, not even a string. Her standard gift to me most often is a bottle of single-malt Scotch. I couldn't be happier, and she has shown no sign of being disappointed with her presents, and yes, ultimately if she and I are both happy, who cares, right? But are we coming across as ridiculously cheap to the rest of the world?