Selfishness

There is no such thing as truly selfless behavior. Anyone who does something that appears to be helpful to or supportive of others does so at least partially out of selfish considerations. Either he believes that his kindness will eventually be reciprocated, or, more interestingly, he derives intrinsic pleasure and benefit from the act of charity itself. It is generally believed that the most selfless act most of us will ever undertake is bearing and raising children. Children, by definition, are unable to reciprocate the care and attention we lavish upon them or, until a certain fairly advanced age, even appreciate what we do to them and for them on a rational level. Yet I do not believe that child rearing invalidates my initial suggestion. The only difference is that the gratification is delayed somewhat. One example would be vicariousness. Living vicariously is a form of selfishness, and those that have never achieved certain things in their own lives raise children and encourage them to achieve those things in their stead. The other obvious example smacks far more of commerce – the desire to be taken care of in old age. People strike an implicit bargain when they start a family: I take care of you while you're young, and in return you will take care of me when I'm old.

All this seems to imply that those who choose not to have children are the people who are open and comfortable with their selfishness. Why even pretend that I am doing something altruistic, they seem to be saying, when in reality I wouldn't be? Yet this is not so. There are people who categorically refuse to start a family, yet they stubbornly care for and support others who they perceive to need that support, sometimes at a great discomfort to themselves. Why? Same reasons – they derive a benefit from doing it. It makes them feel useful. It allows them to perceive themselves as good persons because they are sacrificing their own comfort and happiness for that of someone else. It shows to those around them, they hope, how kind and caring they are. It gives them a sense of righteousness. And it has the added benefit that assuming the recipient of their support is reasonably mentally competent (a deeply needy spouse, for example), it at least carries the possibility of being appreciated in real time.

So, children or no, we all go around pretending to be selfless while in fact deriving an essential benefit from our behavior. I should probably point out that it is possible to perform a truly selfless act, but by definition that act has to result in the death of the actor, since death is the only thing that makes it impossible to derive any sort of direct benefit so self. I am not talking about suicide bombers here, obviously – what they do is the most extreme form of selfishness. I have in mind those very few soldiers who, in times of war, have willingly put themselves in the line of fire to save their comrades.